


Overdue Hug

by princey_pie



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Sleep Deprivation, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2019-04-29 17:23:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14477577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princey_pie/pseuds/princey_pie
Summary: A touch-starved Virgil + bad timing = angst





	1. Speaking Of Hugs

Virgil just grew closer to the others, being accepted into the video and everything. He was still cautious of not overdoing it, he knew that anxiety is hard to deal with and the others, especially Patton, have problems of their own. It’s just that he craved some physical contact. He knew he was touch-starved, he really always had been. But it had never bothered him before. Probably because the only option back then was one of Deceits too tight, too handsy embraces.

But with the main sides theoretically available… it was like an itch that grew worse the harder you tried to ignore it. Virgil knew it was getting out of hand. When he brushed hands with Logan this morning while the logical side handed him his coffee, he had to retreat to his room before he broke down shaking and sobbing, holding his hand close to his chest.  
He pep-talked himself till late afternoon. After all, they had said that he could ask for help, that his feelings were important. So maybe this was ok? Maybe it won’t be too much? Just this once. He could probably feed upon a single hug for a very long time. Also, Patton was the least likely to deny him that. He loved to hug people, maybe that would apply to Virgil too? Just this once and only because he couldn’t function like this. Not when he turned into a quivering mess at the slightest body contact. 

So Virgil left his room in an attempt to actually reach out to the others, well at least one of them. His thoughts raced as much as his heart as he made his way into the commons where Patton sat on the couch. Virgil thanked all higher forces he knew that he was alone.

“Hey kiddo, how ya doing?”

“Hey Pat, I- uh actually wanted to ask you something? Only if you’re not busy of course, I mean, I don’t want to disturb anything or-”

“It’s fine, Virgil. Deep breaths, remember?”

Virgil nodded and sucked in a deep breath of air. “It’s just that lately- I mean I realized it only this morning, that I’ve been feeling a little-”, he was interrupted by a certain prince appearing behind Patton.

“Dad, I need your help asap. Logan’s being insufferable again. You have to come.”

“I will, but Roman Virgil was just saying-”

Virgil quickly blurted out: “No it’s fine. Really. Nothing that important anyway.”

“Kiddo, are you sure, you seem-”, Patton asked with a hint of concern in his voice. But for Roman apparently, Virgil’s approval was more than he needed as he disappeared, dragging Patton with him.

Virgil sighed. Of course, something more important would come up just now, but no matter how much he wanted Patton to stay, he couldn’t ask that from him. He already bothered the others enough, on top of that he made Patton worry (not that it would last long). He could stand being on edge a little longer, only until the other side had the time to continue their conversation. Until that Virgil could stand another sleepless night with only his thoughts for company.


	2. The Troubles Of Sleep Deprivation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil needs a hug but sometimes a simple little touch won't let all issues disappear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So after months my brain finally let me finish the next chapter. Sorry for the long wait (and broken promise of a deadline). Hope you enjoy it anyway. And remember: I told you it would get worse.

Virgil laid in his bed, at this point it really was just for the ceremony. He knew that sleep wouldn't come. So instead of getting some rest after 4 full sleepless nights, he lived through the earlier encounter with Patton again. And again. And again. Until sunrise. It only confirmed what he'd known before. He was a burden to the others, he almost kept Patton from helping Roman with that important thing. 

And still, he hoped that the fatherly side would come to knock on his door, that he remembered that Virgil wanted to talk to him. But he didn't and honestly that was fine, he was really busy after all. Patton was always occupied even if he seemed not to be. He lived up to his dad role after all. Yesterday only proved that further. So he will just hold on, wait until, maybe, he'll have some time for him. Until then he'll sit this one out. He did it before. It would be stupid after all, to make such a fuss over a simple hug. Virgil refused to feel disappointed (that would have meant that he had his hopes up despite knowing better) as he hugged his heated pillow, not pretending at all it was one of the other sides.

As sunshine finally fell through his curtains, he pushed his blankets away, still fully clothed and got up with a groan. He rubbed his eyes before putting on his makeup, adding an extra layer of eyeshadow for good measurement. The air around him felt a bit fuzzy, the colors seemed a bit slurred and the room lost in depth with all soft contours. Virgil knew that staying awake for 118 hours wasn't anything near healthy and that if he would have been actually human he would have passed out long ago, or worse died. It didn't help with his anxiety either. But he was no stranger to sleep deprivation and it had been worse before. He could handle it. It would settle eventually after his touch starvation would go away, no longer making his skin crawl. Until that he just had to stay awake. Like he had any choice in this.

Virgil must have moved down into the kitchen on autopilot because the next time he blinked he was sitting in his usual chair at the table. The plate of pancakes a smiling Patton sat down in front of him sent his stomach on a rollercoaster. He couldn't bear the thought of eating anything, even the thought of coffee made him want to gag. As a compromise, he settled on a tiny glass of orange juice and swallowed down half a pancake without tasting anything. Thankfully Logan and Roman were engaged in another one of their debates so nobody took notice that he wasn't catching a single thing around him.

He did eventually hear it when Patton asked him if he would mind to help him with the dishes, apologizing all over that he promised to help Thomas with something this morning and otherwise he wouldn't make it in time. Virgil of course agreed. 

"You don't have to do all the work alone, Pat, you know? And I don't mean just the dishes."

"Ah thank you Verge, but I really like taking care of my kiddos." Patton started talking in his usual cheerful tone, a voice without a hint of worry and Virgil nodded along hoping that it would be enough. It wasn't that he didn't want to listen, he'd love to hear the moral side talking all day, he tried to focus, he really did but just couldn't. Patton's voice was such a comforting sound right next to him and as Virgil dried the plates that Patton handed him, body still on autopilot, he felt just so relaxed for the first time in five days and-

-A crash of porcelain brought him back to his senses. It took a moment for him to process that the plate he was holding a moment ago was now shattered in pieces at his feet. 'Ohhh no no no no, he fucked up, he fucked up, he-'

"Patton, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to- I'll clean it right now- I'm so sorry, I'll replace it- sorry-" somewhere in the back of his mind Virgil noticed that he was talking too fast, sentences overlapping but he couldn't stop the words, they wouldn't stop to fall out of his mouth and-

The world stopped as two strong hands cupped the sides of his face and turned his head to face Patton, and brushed his tears (when did he start crying?) away.

"Hey, kiddo. No need to be sorry, it was just a plate okay? Besides we can always conjure new ones, so everything's alright, okay? " He took Virgil's cold hands into his own, trying to warm them up a little.

Virgil knew he expected some kind of answer but his brain was still stuck at the first three words so he simply nodded, hoping the other would let it slide. Of course, that would be very unlike Patton.

"Virgil, I hope you don't mind me asking but did you get any sleep last night?" As Virgil shook his head, a sad smile spread on Patton's lips. "Thought so. Wait-" a look of realization crossed his face- "was that why you wanted to talk yesterday? Is there something we could do about it?"

"Yes, I- I realized that lately, I've been feeling a bit, uhh…" He didn't know how to describe the gnawing hunger for the touch of another person, an anchor to tell him that this was all real, that he was real.

"Do you want a hug, kiddo?"

Virgil's choked "Please" was all Patton needed to pull Virgil against his chest and wrap his arms around him. One hand slowly stroking his hair, the other on his back. Patton felt like crying as Virgil relaxed and leaned into the touch because if a hug was all it would have taken to get him to sleep… It was even worse when Patton felt the first tug of being summoned by Thomas. Reluctantly he let go of Virgil.

"Listen, Virgil, Thomas is calling me but I'll be back in an hour or so and I'm sure that one hug wasn't quite enough for that level of being touch-starved, right? Is it okay to reach out you know? Luckily I know two other sides that will gladly help you with that until I'm back!" 

Virgil's mind was still on full stop apparently from the pure feeling of being touched. So he followed Patton like a mindless puppet pulled by the wrist as he dragged Virgil into the living room where Logan laid on the couch with his face practically shoved into a book. He looked up when Patton showed up, arching a single brow up at Virgil's obvious distressed state.

"Is there anything I may be of assistance?"

"Yes! Virgil's touch-starved and I gotta go to help Thomas."

"Well, I see where the problem is but I'm not sure that my help would produce the desired outcome. Emotions aren't my department after all."

"Nah, Lo, you'll do great!"

Patton urged Virgil to sit down next to Logan on the couch and he instinctively slung the arm around Virgil that wasn't occupied with holding open his book. Patton squealed a little at the sight of them as it didn't take Virgil more than half a second to melt into the logical side's embrace and to rest his head on his shoulder.

"Well, now that that's settled, I'll be off quick. Take care guys!" and with an active, he sunk out.

They stayed like this for a while. Virgil could hear Logan's steady heartbeat and feel felt himself zoning out. The thoughts in his head that screamed an incoherent ball of words at him, containing the other sides name along with 'save' and 'touch' and 'more' grew quieter with the passing time, allowing him to truly relax, even mentally which was a particularly rare occasion for Virgil. Logan must have heard that his breath had become evener.

"Virgil? It seemed that some physical contact did indeed increase your mental state so it might be a good idea to go to bed in order to gain some long overdue sleep. Given that my assumption that you're not only touch-starved but also sleep deprived is correct."

Virgil hummed in approval, he actually taught that sleeping might be possible now. So he forced his feet to move upstairs and walked, exhausted like he was, directly into Roman.

"Watch out there, Doom and Gloom!"

"Sorry, I just-" Virgil stopped in his sentence. He taught about how wonderful the two previous hugs had felt. Patton said that it was okay to reach out, didn't he? Maybe he should try? Patton said after all that the others would like to help him. Patton won't lie to him. He took a deep breath and quickly pressed the words out of his throat before he could try to overthink that. "I was wondering if you would be willing to hug-" 

"Well whatever it is, it has to wait. I have great plans for today. Until then you emo nightmare!" The prince strutted through his door into his room and slammed it shut behind him. Virgil didn't even get the whole sentence out and yet was being denied. But that was okay, he could handle that with how well it did go with Logan and Patton. Two out of three was a pretty good result after all. Better than he ever dared to imagine. He just needed a little music and sure enough, he would be soundly asleep in a few minutes. He reached into his hoodie pocket only to find it empty. It took him a little more time than usual to remember that he left them yesterday at the couch table.

With a little sigh he turned to go down into the living area again when he heard Logan talking to someone, Patton, he recognized the voice a second later, a tired smile creeping on his lips. Maybe he would get another hug? The smile died as he suddenly heard his name and stopped dead in his tracks, standing at the top of the stakes, still invisible to the other sides but able to follow their conversation.

"I'm glad that it went so well with Virgil," Patton just exclaimed.

"I agree. We have to pay attention to our health, mental and physical, in order to maintain our functions and provide a satisfying lifestyle to Thomas. Given that I indeed was worried about Virgil as we don't know how his state could have impacted Thomas mood. I am glad that this situation could be solved so easily after all."

Virgil could feel his heart freeze and shatter even through the fog that still clouded his head. He decided that he definitely heard enough and swayed back to his room, tears streaming once again down his cheek.   
'To deal with this situation. An issue that needs to be taken care of. A problem that needs to be solved, to get rid off. Failure. Useless. Worthless. Waste of space. You're a danger and a burden.'   
The words hammered through his head, making his headache grow as he collapsed on his bed and pulled the covers around him. He should have known that the others actually liking him was too good to be true. He just fucking knew it. Of course, Logan would only hug him because he was afraid about the consequences for their host. And Patton was probably just being Patton, all loving and seeing it his duty to comfort Virgil when he had broken down.

Hs stuffed the sleeve of his hoodie between his teeth to muffle his sobs when he heard footsteps approaching his door, recognizing the pattern as Patton. His back faced the door as he heard the doorknob turn and tried to mimic deep even breaths, almost choking on teary cries that tried to force their way up his throat, pretending to be asleep as he heard Patton open the door a crack to check on him. He sighed relieved as the door closed again and the footsteps retreated back downstairs. Virgil stayed like this, crying himself in and out of consciousness until early afternoon of the next day, now 145 hours without sleep.


	3. A First Step

Virgil made the decision that it would be the best if he would just stay in his room. Or at least he would like to think that he had a choice. He doubted that his exhausted body could bring up enough energy to stand up, open the door, walk through the hallway, down the stairs, and into the kitchen. He didn't feel like eating anyway. Or existing. The very thought about doing anything exhausted him more, including thinking. That, of course, made him hyperaware of him thinking which brought him back to being exhausted. One just has to love his life.

No need to say that he lost track of time. His brain too tired to do the math to figure how long it was since he last had a night's rest, not spoken of a good one. By now Virgil would even gladly accept the nightmares if it would mean that he would finally get some sleep. 

He shifted to his other side, looking at his window to at least figure out if it was nighttime or not. If one could trust the sunlight shining through his curtains it most likely was not. On the other hand, other pieces of furniture seemed to randomly emit some light too. For example, his closet was glowing neon orange right now and Virgil was pretty sure that that hadn't been the case before. Why would he paint his closet a color he hated guts? That made no sense. Well, glowing furniture did neither but who was he to complain? Others bought all kinds of expensive dangerous drugs to experience the effects that he was getting for the cheap price of his sanity. How fun.

Speaking of fun, Virgil was also pretty sure that the familiar tug he felt wasn't part of his hallucinations when he was sucked into Thomas' living room in the real world. None of the other sides were there and Thomas currently had his back to Virgil but apparently felt him manifest as he started speaking.

"Hey buddy, I quickly need your help with this. There's this event tomorrow and the invitation says the dress code is semi chic and which one is the better option?" With that, he held up two different outfits.

Virgil would really like to help but all he could see were too blurred shapes of clothes. Of course, this was when his own anxiety kicked in on top of Thomas' nervousness. He simply didn't know. But that's never an acceptable answer, isn't it? The events of the last week, the doubts, the sleepless nights, the neglect of the others, came crashing down on him with full force and once again he felt tears streaming down his face when his knees hit the floor as he collapsed under the sheer pressure.

Thomas froze for a moment, seeing the unexpected tears on the anxious side's face but quickly let go of the outfits he was holding in favor of dropping to the floor next to Virgil.

"Hey Virge, can you look at me?" he asked, voice soft with concern. He gently cupped the other's cheek and carefully lifted his gaze. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" He was answered with a headshake.

"Well if it helps with making you feel better, your eyeshadow sure is on point today, darkest black to ever be made into a makeup palette." That at least earned him a confused frown.

"I'm not wearing any make-up?" His voice was quiet but hoarse which only meant that these couldn't be the first tears shed today. Thomas skeptically eyed the large dark bags under Virgil's eyes. There's no way that these were real right?

"It's just my face, see?" The side asked while wiping the tears from his face, an action that would have definitely smudged any make-up, no matter how waterproof.

But that would mean, that these were in fact real. "Virgil, no, please don't pretend to be fine when you clearly aren't. I do care about you and-"

"You do?"

The question came out quickly and quiet, almost as if he didn't mean to ask it out loud, eyes once again glued to the carpet.

"Of course I do Virgil! And I am so thankful for everything you did for me! You're more than just a part of me, you're my friend and I love you."

The side before him choked on a sob. "Really?" The undisguised, desperate hope behind the voice made Thomas' heart crumble into itself.

"Yes. A thousand tims yes, Virge." With that he pulled the other into a hug, deciding that in this situation it was ok not to ask for explicit permission. And he tried to ignore how light Virgil felt in his arms, how he trembled and the wetness that was threatening to spill out off his own eyes. And he definitely tried not to think about how much Virgil needed to hear these words as the boy passed out in his arms with a little broken "thank you".

After Thomas had carried Virgil into his bedroom upstairs and tucked him under the covers he retreated back into his living room and sucked in a deep breath to calm himself. Quite uncharacteristically for him, he could feel anger boil inside his gut at the thought of what the youngest side have been through. Thomas took another breath and concentrated to summon the main sides. It was time to find out what the fuck was going on in his mind.


	4. Motherhen Thomas

Logan appeared first, quickly followed by the other two, greeting him, all in various states of curiosity.

Logan began to address their sudden summoning: "Thomas, I assume you require assistance for a sudden situation as we had nothing for a video on the schedule today?"

Thomas reminded himself again to stay calm. After all yelling never did any good, but still, he simply couldn't ignore the hot knot of fury in his guts. They haven't even noticed that Virgil was not present. "Oh, I just wanted to ask what you all been up to lately? Like did something special happen recently?"

Roman and Patton began to gush on the spot about the latest play they put on stage together and how "Roman was the best Peter Pan ever" and "Patton made the most delicious cupcakes afterward". It took them 15 minutes to finish the whole story, even Logan made one or two comments that "he enjoyed the parallels to the original novel that was present despite the modern setting of the play".   
On any other day, it would have made Thomas incredibly happy to see them all getting along so well but he could still feel Virgil trembling in his arms and remembered how little space he took up in the bed, practically being swallowed by the blankets. So the longer he listened, the more his anger seemed to grow, returning to its previous strength. Seemed like his resolve to not yell wouldn't last for much longer. When the others finished he still manage to keep his face perfectly straight (he wouldn't even think about that irony now because you know, he's never straight). "Anything else?" he simply asked.

He noticed the questioning look Patton and Roman shared at his unusual passive behavior, but Logan still seemed oblivious as he answered: "No, not that I recall."

Thomas clenched his teeth: "So you're telling me that nothing is out of the ordinary? You noticed nothing strange?"

Logan furrowed his brows in confusion: "No, that's what I implied with my earlier statement that-" 

Patton interrupted him, seemingly worried about the sharp undertone in his host's voice: "Thomas, is there something you think is wrong?"

"Oh, I don't know. You tell me. Maybe start with the reason why Virgil passed out in my arms barely half an hour ago." He crossed his arms and stared at the sides one after another, letting his words sink in, anger freely shining from his eyes.

Roman was the first to break the tense silence, asking softly: "What do you mean? What happened?"

"I summoned Virgil for some advice. You know, Virgil, my anxiety, the side that usually sits over there," he said in a sarcastically lighthearted tone and gestured to the stairs, "purple hoodie, you know. The guy none of you seemed to miss for the last 20 minutes." The others at least had the decency to look ashamed. "He came here, swaying from simply staying upright, looking like death himself and broke down crying, like real breathtaking sobbing."

"Thomas, I assure you that we don't know what caused this, we-" Roman tried to explain.

"I'm not finished, Roman!" The prince took half a step back and visibly swallowed, paling a little at Thomas raising his voice. "You wanna know what the worst about this was?! When I tried to calm him down, told him that I love him, he looked so-" Thomas heard his voice break and suddenly had to fight back tears "-surprised. And he thanked me as if- as if it was a task that would require effort." He breathed in deep and focused his sight on the three sides in front of him. 

Logan stared at him, body completely rigid and eyes wide and dark. Roman seemed to find the carpet incredibly interesting while breathing swallow and Patton… Patton cried silently, tears streaming down over his face, hands over this month to cover any possible sound. Thomas felt a tinge of guilt but he needed to say this.

"I thought he went through this. I never thought I would need to call myself a jerk but here we are. You know I love you all but right now you are such a bunch of idiots. How could you not notice such a thing after we literally talked about making an effort to include him, make him feel at home and make him feel loved, just a few weeks ago? I expected better from all of you."

Patton let out a sob before whipping his face, trying to get his breath under control. "We failed him again, just after we promised to do the exact opposite. I can't believe that we- that I've been so busy and didn't notice. He tried to talk with me a few days ago and I just forgot and all this time, he… Thomas, I'm sure that I speak for everyone when I say that we're so terribly sorry and that there's no excuse and we can only hope for another chance." The others nodded, still a little numb.

"Patton, while doing appreciate to hear this, I'm not the person that you should tell this nor do I think that a simple apology is enough this time. It's been one incident too much."

Romans' voice sounded hoarse: "Then you think he won't forgive us?" 

Thomas never heard him sound so scared and the last bits of his fury vanished, only leaving worry and tiredness. "No, he will, he loves all of you too much. But he shouldn't. It shouldn't be that easy for you, so do your very best. Make it up to him like otherwise, he would never speak with you again, it's what he deserves."

Logan adjusted his glasses. "We will," his voice filled with so much sincerity and all the emotions he claimed to not have.

"I'll take you by your word, Logan," he took his time to make eye contact with each side again, "all of you. You can start right away. Virgil's sleeping upstairs."

They all climbed the stairs as quietly as possible and sneaked into Thomas' bedroom and joined the anxious side on the huge bed. Virgil only stirred a little at the movement of the mattress and the noise and settled quickly when Patton began to run his finger through his hair, snuggling closer in his sleep.

A few hours later Virgil woke up to find himself surrounded by the others, all soundly asleep with Logan's head against his hip, Roman's arm across his chest, right hand intertwined with Thoams while his head rested on top of Patton's chest. He blinked and carefully rubbed his eyes, not wanting to disturb the others, even when it clearly was a dream. But even after a few more moments, the others seemed to stay, the dream not dissolving like Virgil expected. 

Instead Roman slightly stirred, sleep-drunk looking up at Virgil and burrowing his head in the other's side more while whispering, voice slurred from sleep: "M'sry Virge. Never leave you again. Luv'ya soo much. W'all do." Then sleep overtook him again. After a few moments of shock, Virgil could feel his heart practically singing, he couldn't have heard it wrong he was sure of that and this wasn't a dream, they said they loved him, they were here after all. He closed his eyes again, peaceful happiness still rushing through his veins. For once he allowed himself to sink into sleep, trusting that the other sides- no, his family would still be there when he woke up.


End file.
